The ABCs of TRUE LOVE
by Amy Zerner & Monte Farber, authors of The Enchanted Love Tarot: The Lover’s Guide to Dating, Mating, and Relating and The Creativity Oracle: Visions of Enchantment to Guide & Inspire Magic Makers, coming March 28, 2020!
Amy and I have been together since 1975, our greatest joy and achievement, and we have been able to live lives filled with love, light, and laughter. We have a wonderful family of friends, several of whom are in fact family members. We have achieved numerous career and financial goals doing work that we love and that helps others to help themselves. We are grateful for every day we get to spend working and playing together, tending our garden figuratively and literally.
Like everyone, we have had our share of sorrows, difficulties, and reversals, but we continue to persevere in the face of life’s vicissitudes and still feel grateful for everything we have, feeling blessed with lives of uncommon good fortune.
Thoughts and beliefs are vibrations of energy that can influence us in a very deep way. Here are some important tips and reminders for keeping the lovelight burning and for having a healthy relationship, from THE ENCHANTED LOVE TAROT (RedFeather, July 2019).
Appreciate all the good things in life. Show your love. Show you care. Passion and compassion are what make you attractive. If you would enjoy the passion of love, you must act first with passion. Men are willing to go through a lot to earn the appreciation of their true love, and women, as the keepers of the sacred flame of life, desire to be given the respect they deserve. If you demonstrate your mutual appreciation, true love will deepen and last a very long time.
Be playful and have fun. Encourage a sense of adventure. Try to maintain a positive, open attitude even when things don’t appear to be going the way you want. Much of the art of living is dealing with the unexpected. See with the eyes of a child. Enjoy yourself and celebrate.
Cultivate contentment in all circumstances. Self-doubt is the most daunting of obstacles that inhibit us on our quest for enlightenment. We can know true contentment when we embrace the present and stop struggling to escape insecurity, pain, and doubt.
Duality is the central organizing principle of our reality. We cannot know what light is unless we know darkness. We cannot know the meaning of sweet without knowing the meaning of sour. It follows that we cannot know what we like without also experiencing that which we do not like.
Express yourself creatively. You need to be appreciated for who you really are, so speak and let others know. Communication begins with an effort to make yourself clearly understood. It is easy to let fear and preconceived notions stand in the way of true communication. Also, taking an interest in how others express themselves (known as listening!) leads to sharing, and sharing leads to caring. Creative self-expression is true spirituality.
Forgiveness is an antidote to pain. All too often the tendency is not to try to solve the problem but to fix the blame. It is not a weakness but the greatest strength to forgive. Especially, forgive yourself. Accept your human frailty as a natural part of your being, and your mistakes as signs of your efforts to grow.
Growth comes through self-examination and self-awareness. Know thyself. In our case, it was our commitment to our mutual goal of personal development that has allowed us to learn and help each other grow. We may not know the meaning of life, but we have come to know the meaning of our life.
Having a sense of humor is a tremendous asset when it comes to relationships. It is one of the most valuable and attractive features a person can have. If you can keep looking for the humor in your situation, not only will you find it, it can get you through practically any difficult time. It helps you to keep going forward, even in the face of defeat.
Intuition is your inner vision—let it guide you. Become aware, pay attention, listen—develop a psychic sense of your and your partner’s true feelings. Validate each other’s intuition. By observing our reactions to the messages offered to us by our intuition, we come to better understand our desires, our goals, and their motivations. We come to see what blocks us, what releases us out of our false selves, and what helps us to meet the challenge of our personal vision and myth.
Judgment has its time and place. Let it help you be relentless in your pursuit of truth and the deeper implications of whatever situation you are in. Remember, criticism must be constructive, not a smokescreen for hurtful words and deeds. Judge the truth and judge the lies.
Know that you have the power to defeat negative thinking and behavior. Learn to understand and cope with your greatest enemy: your own fear. We have learned that living a successful life of quality and meaning does not mean that you won’t react to fear, uncertainty, or rejection. What is important is how quickly you recover your equilibrium and get on with the business of living.
Love makes a sacred space in our lives where true growth and healing can happen. When we love and are loved, we have someone we can trust to advise us, someone who has our best interests at heart. When you love someone, you want to be with him or her as much as possible, because committed happiness makes life seem very short, indeed.
Make magic, pray, consult the wise. Real magic is when you concentrate on what you love, not what you hate. Believe that there are unseen forces that protect, connect, and sustain us. When you see the hidden connections, the world becomes charged with symbolic meanings. Magical rituals and prayers help us to remember our connection to these unlimited energies that nurture and beckon us to reach our full potential to do the work necessary to keep that connection clear and unbroken. Prayer is a form of magic in which we seek to ally ourselves with the Divine.
Nature teaches us about the cycles of life. The entire world is alive with messages, and it speaks to us, if we will only listen. Nature reminds us of the abundant beauty present in everyday life. Make a time and space in your day when and where you won’t be disturbed, so you can listen to all that is good in your life “speak.” The goal is to be so in harmony with life’s purpose that we will instinctively know which paths to follow from the many that present themselves each day.
Observe how your habitual thoughts affect your life. It is the nature of habits to rule us unless we first become aware that they are habits, examine the events that gave rise to them, and become aware of how they actively influence us. The only way to eliminate a habit is through patient awareness and the belief that your life will change for the better if you stop acting or thinking in the old habitual way.
Peace begins when expectations end. There is a goodness in things as they are—accept the greater purpose behind frustrating circumstances. The present moment is your point of power. The secret of contentment can’t be gained from achievements in the world but only from finding our inner peace.
Quest for truth. When you have taken the time and done the work of establishing initial truthfulness and trust, you will find that it frees up an incredible amount of energy that can be used to accomplish many important things. Remember, you cannot be truthful with another person unless you are first truthful with yourself.
Respect yourself and show that same respect for others. If you find it difficult to respect yourself, be aware that the most respectable people also have feelings of self-doubt. Self-doubt may never leave, but those who come to respect themselves learn to accept themselves as they are. Root out prejudiced ideas in yourself, and be aware of them in others. Equal partners make successful relationships. There is no other way.
Soul Mates work on their relationships by working on themselves. You know you have found your Soul Mate when you enjoy just watching your partner live, and when you desire to make your partnership work and to be there for each other in every way.
Trust the process. Have faith that there is a divine plan. Worry only creates stress and accomplishes nothing. If you realize that most difficulties you encounter are for the best in the long run, you manifest the positive attitude that can bring wonderful relationships to you. All you have to do is follow your heart, take small steps forward on your path, and trust. Let the future wait and take care of itself. Take time to be in the moment, and experience life with a gentle purity.
Unconditional love helps you be more understanding. Your lover is your best friend—you must be there for each other in every way. You must feel you can trust one another completely and can turn to each other for support and gentle guidance when one of you feels weak. Remember, a maternal nature exists in us all.
Visualize your wishes in your mind’s eye. Become aware of the tone and subject matter of your moment-to-moment inner dialogue. Visualize what it is you want with all your heart. See it with your inner sight and feel it as if you were really there, experiencing it with all of your senses. Practice visualization every day. Our dreams help us to create our material reality as surely as our material reality helps us to create our dreams.
Working toward goals together is the essence of a living, breathing partnership. Give support as needed. Concentrate and focus your energy on positive goals: health, fitness, creativity, spiritual growth. When you share love, you can enjoy knowing that you are helping your partner to live to the fullest. This is the secret of true joy and happiness in a committed relationship. Our relationship is as successful as it is because we have both decided it is the most important thing in our lives.
XOX—Kisses and Hugs are very important. Physical touch is the healing catalyst that allows your souls to connect and become one. Sex is one of the highest forms of expression when combined with true love. It is heightened and enlightened by mutual intimacy, trust, and joyful commitment. Without love, sex becomes just another way we avoid feeling empty. Real love is exciting because the two of you care so much about each other and want to show it in every way.
You can only change yourself; you cannot change anyone else. You can, however, make sure you get involved with a person who desires change for the better. Devoting time to self-improvement or study will always enable you to improve your situation. The desire to grow is one of our most basic needs.
Z-Z-Z—Get enough rest and take care of your stress. Listen to your dreams. Practice calm. Slow down your breathing. Manage your time. Know your stress triggers. Laugh as much as possible. Get massages. Explore healing practices designed to cure problems on physical, mental, and spiritual levels. You must heal yourself before you can help others to heal.
Monte Farber and Amy Zerner are a husband & wife team, the bestselling authors of many popular mind/body/spirit books and tools, including THE ENCHANTED LOVE TAROT and the forthcoming CREATIVITY ORACLE. www.TheEnchantedWorld.com